polishpunker

When God closes a door...he slams that mutherfucker on yo' ass.

2009-04-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

It seems like I just left the armpit of America, and now like a weird armpit-fetish pervert I'm going back for a second round.

Two years ago at this time, I was working upwards of 55 hours a week at two jobs to make as much money possible to move, taking 16 credits at MCTC, and maintaining a healthy relationship with extreme long distance tossed in there. Granted, I fell asleep driving a lot because I was exausted and I lost about 15 lbs since I didn't buy food and saved all my money to move to Vegas, but I was still really amped to live my life.

Now I'm like a divorcee- I have no car, I can't stand school, my fiance, who I planned my life around and moved out to Vegas for, is now my EX-fiance (and we don't speak), and I have to move back to my parent's house to get it all together. Ugh. Ick. Gag me with a noodle. I'm leaving lovely Las Vegas for Minnesota in a week or two, and it galls me that I'm going to lose my tan and probably gain weight from depression eating. Just start calling me Fat Face McFatty now, so I get used to it.

The small and hardly-visible silver lining to this otherwise sadly tragic story is that I will be coming back to Vegas in June. I have a new school to attend and I'm really excited about it. I'll also have my own place, with all my OWN stuff, and no rude and stinky male wandering around scratching his balls and passive-aggressively forcing me to cower in his presence. I will miss everyone in Vegas horribly, like I'll want to claw my face off at night when I think about them, but at least I know I'll be back and life will resemble some semblance of normalcy.

"If ya like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it"

2009-03-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

Pretty much my new anthem for life these days.

The main thing that I remember as I jump back into dating (yes, loverboy and I are dating. I realized that, even though I went into our first meeting with the idea that I was only going to be friends with him, that wasn't what he thought, and he's actually really into me, so GAME ON!) is that any man worth his salt is going to do the legwork to get me, and that goes for any woman out there.

Women- men are conditioned to work for what they want and they love a good chase. Sadly stereotypical, but true. So let him wow and dazzle you, ladies. Its what he's programmed to do. I only learned this from my ex-fiance, when he took the time to explain, really, how the male mind works. This is in the context of manly men. Those yuppie bitches out there that wear powder blue shirts and pop their collars because all the other guys are doing it are another story, and frankly they really aren't worth it anyways. Who wants to spend their time with a man who's afraid of everything and thinks a good example of an extreme sport is squash? Not I, said the cat.

So yes, I am having a lot of fun getting chased and enjoying myself immensely. I'm also handling my shit and getting MY life and independance in order. In short, I'm really happy today and sending out sickening happy vibes to all my friends and readers!

The fine line

2009-03-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

There is a fine line between being too available and being too unavailable when you first meet someone. Back when I was single, if I didn't care about keeping the guy around and only wanted to use him for one of like the three good things guys are good for, then I didn't pay attention to this tactic of availability. Right now, I'm not only debating how my new guy friend feels about me, if he has any feelings at all, but debating how I should play off the hangout time thing as well.

I texted him today and said I was really in the mood for some good coconut curry. He texted back saying that there's a great Indian place by both our houses and said we should go get something to eat there. Ok great...I was thinking about him anyways, and wanted to see him, so this is just an added plus, since we already had plans to watch a movie on Monday night.

But am I shooting myself in the foot here? When we went out on Friday, he wanted to do something the next night (Saturday) and even though I would have loved to, I said that I was busy with homework, which I was. I didn't make that up to sound coy or unavailable.

So should it be an every-other thing? Like, every other time he says that we should do something, should I beg off and not see him? How do I know when I've crossed that line and spent too much time with him? The name of the game is making someone miss you, I know that. I'd like to date him and keep him around for a while, so maybe I should just see how he feels about THAT before I worry too much. Thoughts?

To kiss or not to kiss?

2009-03-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

So last night, I went out for an evening with a new friend I met on my myspace. I didn't really expect it to end like it did...I went into it with nothing really on my mind and planning to enjoy a nice evening with someone who makes me laugh...as a friend.

But by the end of the evening, I was really vibing him, and I wished he was on the same page as me. He was almost everything I could ask for in a guy, and a few added bonuses that kept me interested. He hustled me at pool, which left me funing outwardly but laughing at his prankishness on the inside.

It was way casual and we didn't really have a plan once we left the first place we went to, and I haven't laughed as much or had as much lighthearted fun in a long time.

The thing is...I'm pretty sure that he was into me, but of course since it wasn't talked about I don't have it confirmed. And I'd love to see him romantically, but I also don't want to screw up a really good friendship by making a poorly-thought out first move on someone who isn't receptive. One of my (male) friends said that this guy was most likely into me and I should just plant one on him next time I see him.

So to kiss or not to kiss? That is the question.

Weekend plans

2009-03-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have a love-hate relationship with weekends. Yes, I get to see my friends a lot more, and I am actually having a meeting with a new friend at a rocking punk bar, so that's cool.

On the flipside, it means that I have two and a half straight days with Daniel looming around the house and asking me where I'm going and what I'm doing when I want to leave the house. Annoying.

I know a lof of readers/friends have some stuff going on this weekend. What are everyone's plans? Share!!!

New hair, new life and new frigging attitude!

2009-03-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Just call me a calzone, because Italians love to eat me!!!!

So I'm exploring the option of going to the Aveda Institute here in Las Vegas, for Cosmetology. I just dyed my hair a delicious medium brunette and did some really lovely caramel highlights in them, and I thought to myself "Shit. I could do this for money and make people look pretty". So I went in today and the final word will come when I get my FAFSA turned in and see what my funding options are. My classes would start in June, and I'm so ready for the career change...I want to have fun and be myself on the job, and I think this is the job for me! 'Image Consultant' is my final goal, so that I can work independantly and set my own hours.

Finally, my new attitude is completely in place. Or should I say, my old attitude. I have only myself to worry about these days and don't have to run my plans or my needs past another person...its wonderful to get some independance back. Not entirely back, since I don't have my own car or my own place, but I'm on my way. My friends have been amazing for me through the break up and dealing with my drunk ex-boyfriend still living in my house with no discernable timetable for getting out, and I love each and every one of them for giving me their time and thoughts. Friends are all I need right now...as far as guys are concerned, I'm going to wait for someone to take my breath away. I won't settle for anything less than 'amazing'.

Seriously. They get stupider as they get older.

2009-03-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Men, I mean.

I really think that, because of the beer they drink that kills the few brain cells that may have been in existance, men get stupier as they age. I have a few real-life examples...

- Recently, a very nice man with a good job that I've met has expressed an interest in going out on a date with me. Ok, great. He's attractive, clean, likes animals, and has a future and potential. So what were his suggestions? He suggested that I either go out wakeboarding with him on his boat, or go camping...CAMPING. Like, in a remote place far away from toilets and open bars and other people. Scary abduction factor aside, this BONA FIDE city girl does not camp. Ever. And I also really don't want to spend a date soaked to the skin on someone's boat, feeling like a wet dog and probably looking just like one as well. But the topper on this cake is that, after I suggested a little less outdoors and a little more socializing, he invited me to drinks at a COLLEGE BAR. A bar just off campus. Really? REALLY?!

- The boy that I mentioned earlier who didn't call me called. Two weeks too late and at about 10:30pm. Not only was this weird and awkward, he was DRUNK when he called. Drunk. He also called me after hanging out with his MOM.....apparently I generate mental associations to middle-aged women with children who drink too much in his mind....Ugh. And then had the gall to say to me, after he neglected to make a prompt phone call weeks ago, that I "might HAVE to come have lunch with him one day"...as if my perfect day revolves around carting my ass to the other side of town in midday traffic and then having lunch with someone who dictated that I had to be there but couldn't call on time...or even days later.

I swear. Its like a non-stop episode of Dumb and Dumber.

Mountains of boyfriends!

2009-03-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

The gay kind, that is.

I estimate that pretty soon, I'll be attracting them like flies to a sugar cube. Why? Because I'm thinking of changing my career and going to school for something that no gay man can consciously pass up an opportunity to drool over- make up and hair.

I'm thinking about going to the Aveda Institute cosmetology school, because I'm really sick of these lame ass College of Business classes, and all I want is a job where I can have fun all day and enjoy myself. Doing people's hair and make up professionally really falls into this category.

I have an appointment tomorrow to see the admissions rep at the school, and I know that I'll be rather undewhelmed since I hail from the city where Aveda is headquartered- Minneapolis. Its located in a GORGEOUS old building that takes up a city block and has 4 floors and lovely Victorian accents. The school here is in a strip mall.

Either way, this would be such a fun career and the demand for these people is never-ending, so at least I'd be able to find a job...maybe I could work my way up the ladder and become a make up artist to the stars! Wait...that would involve living in LA. Ew. Scratch that.

Either way, I'd certainly make a lot of friends.

PC, my ass

2009-03-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

I really, really, really, really hate it when people go all apeshit because something I said or did wasn't "politically correct". The PC movement died in the 90's. Let's not exhume the moldy, dessicated, dead body now. Its 2009. I think everyone should say exactly what's on their minds, and if others don't like it or can't handle it, they should either engage person A in a discussion, or turn away like the lily-livered cowards that most people are.

I don't look for fights. They seem to find me whenever I open my mouth.

Big Love

2009-03-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

I remember a line from Sex and the City that really stuck with me: "Big love isn't always easy".

Boy, Carrie wasn't lying.

I watched Daniel spend two entire days drunk this weekend. He hasn't been sober since Friday morning. It tears my heart out to see the man I believe to be my soulmate live in a drunken weed haze, but there's nothing I can do or say to make him see how broken he is. I don't use that term loosely, either. But Daniel is truely and completely broken and he knows it. He says he misses the guy he used to be, and if he could only find that guy and find his enthusiasm for life again, I'd be happy to help him pick up the pieces.

Its so hard to stand by and watch someone destroy themself and know there is nothing you can do to help them or stop them.